Through the millennia, the Time Lords of Gallifrey led a life of peace and ordered calm, protected against all threats from lesser civilisations by their great power. But this was to change. Suddenly, and terribly, the Time Lords faced the most dangerous crisis in their long history…


I deny this reality. The reality is a computation matrix!

As previously mentioned, the Mindless dream team of The Beast Must Die, Illogical Volume and Andrew “Mandrew” Hickey made it down to Leeds for this year’s Thought Bubble comics convention. These are their recollections of the event, as distorted by the passing of time, sleep-deprivation, alcohol consumption, and the brain-scrambling dazzle of a white lounge suit:

Enter the Mindless (23 Chambers)

Transformers: Toy Stories

July 4th, 2011

There are many, many reasons why I might be considered an idiot, but if you were going to make a list – and believe me, I’ve made a few such lists in my time – then I’ve got a fair idea of what the top three should look like.

I’ll spare you numbers one and two for now, but number three is easy. You see, I must be an idiot, because I don’t think I understood mortality until I watched Transformers: The Movie for the first time. Yeah, Transformers, “robots in disguise” that turned into planes and cars and tanks, and had their own crappy TV show. That was where my first intimation of mortality came from. Told you I was an idiot.

The realisation that all of this would one day stop had never sunk in at Sunday School, where the focus was more on old stories than on the possible absence of narrative. It hadn’t made any impression on me when various distant relatives had died – they had seemed like minor characters in my story, and their deaths didn’t truly register with me at the time. It didn’t even really occur to me in the early parts of Transformers: The Movie, despite the fact that whole planets were being destroyed and beloved characters were being gunned down like so many extras (with all weapons having been switched from tickle to mangle between TV series and movie, naturally). But OPTIMUS FUCKING PRIME, my favourite toy and childhood hero, dying on-screen, in an astonishingly drawn out manner? Yeah, I felt that, and it scared the living shit out of me.

See, here? One day your sentence will be up. Full stop. Story over. The end.

Don’t worry, we’ll get to Simon Furman in a minute!

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Occasionally, certain men of a certain age will run out of things to say to each other. Conversation grinds to a dry halt, and the only course of action is to resort to a comfortable zone of the collective consciousness, and wallow in the soft haze of nostalgia, of endless Saturday mornings in pyjamas, and Robots in Disguise. Let us call this place the Transformers Room. If you crack the door open and gently peer in, you can see the Mindless Ones sitting around, comparing their first Transformers and touching their winkies with excitement. Awwwwww! Come on, let’s go and join them…

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Caped Crusader vs Dark Knight

October 29th, 2010

batman-cover-for-final-crisis-6-batman-3542078-1280-10241

‘thing is, i know we at mindless ones don’t really feel the need to justify these things or to bother kicking the argument about the way they might at, say, funnybook babylon, but i think the answer to the question ‘does bruce wayne work in cosmic scenarios? – in this PARTICULAR cosmic scenario?’ and the conversation one could have around it is probably an interesting one.

for geeks.’

But that’s okay, we know a few. And this is their home

Pree-zentin’ what will probably be the most comprehensive interview you read with Patrick Meaney, the director of

…this week, anyway.

 

Nobody sees the show, not till my heart says so/That special something, that you are hunting = under the cut

Well this. It’s a review of Joe the Barbarian #1 a new Vertigo comic by Our#1 Squeeze and Sean Murphy (who did that Hellblazer story with Jason Aaron a while back, the one with the bloke fucking a dead dog in it. I knew there was promise in that one.) It’s a funny bit of thing, the CBR review, vintage webstuff. Favourite by Mindless consent are the comments ‘holy shit you are a sad man in the internet’ and ‘Bendis could have done it in ten’.

joe

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Lady Lactus and myself have recently moved to a larger spaceship.  This was an exciting development as my collection of floppy ephemera had been wrapped tightly in bin liners in the attic of our previous vessel for over two years.  Now I could unleash them all on my unsuspecting shelves!

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Let’s tear off that packing tape!

Batman and Robin 666 #8

May 11th, 2009

Click here to read the rest of the run

And so ends our second story arc. We don’t have a wait for the trade philosophy round here so enough gets answered that it’s a satisfying conclusion, but we leave enough shit dangling to keep you coming back for the mega-story. If you’ve been following us since the beginning you’ll be used to all the weird tonal shifts by now and this episode’s absolutely no exception. I gather Morrison’s going to be using Professor Pyg in his new Batman book so as of now this stuff is officially NOT CANON. Not unless Grant secretly loves this non-run and plays along, which I doubt. I’m playing in his sandpit afterall. And, of course, that’s been one of the themes of this arc.  Seriously, though, in some ways I’ve, completely naively, started to feel as though these characters belong to me, and it does sting a bit to be reminded that they absolutely don’t, so forgive me if I feel a little sad. I’m looking forward to Morrison’s new bat-arc as much as anyone, but it’s a shame to see *my* Robin relegated to a pile of bad guys for Batman to beat on.

And that’s the other thing: I suppose by this time it’s become clear that this book is as much about Alice Dodgeson as it is about Damian Wayne. I think I always saw 666 as a team effort, but that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that Damian really needs some time to shine on his own and I’ve factored that into my future plans, so hopefully I’m heading off any complaints some of you might have at the pass. Though I’ll also be spending some issues focusing really closely on some of the supporting cast too, one of whom may come as something of a surprise. These last two arcs have really been about world building and setting the scene both tonally and narratively for what comes afterwards. So, sure, they’re overflowing with crazy vehicles, virtual reality, lynchian conceits and toy guns, maybe to the point of overkill, but now it’s all firmly lodged in place, I can take my hands off the throttle a bit and Nu Gotham can relax into a different kind of pace.

So anyway, let’s forget about all that for now and join Batman and Robin as they face down the combined might of the Black Rabbit and Action Figure. One last time before the continuity hounds start screaming Elseworlds!’

Infesticons transwarm!

atst

Sorry about the delay, Superteam. I would have posted this on Friday if it wasn’t for Zom’s notepad fucking up my shit. I was so angry I couldn’t face redoing the entire deleted file until today – I’m sure you understand.

So… this time round there’s a lot more talking – denser panels and whatnot – there’s more wildlife and a sprinkling of magic. BTW, I’ve been checking loads of comics and people break the 25 to 20 words a panel rule ALL THE TIME so I don’t feel that bad about it any more. Obviously if the action’s supposed to be fast paced you can’t go shoving soliloquies in character’s mouths, but if it’s just talking heads, or even a teensy bit of implied movement, then it doesn’t matter so much. Again, I won’t be coming over all Bendis or Kevin Smith.

I wrote this one under the influence of the mighty Melchior Productions Ltd, Vangelis (obviously, but specifically his Apocalypse Des Animaux stuff), Telepathe and Atlas Sound, so it’s all a little downbeat…. Apart from the parts that take place in the Engine Rooms, which I wrote while drinking and chatting with a mate. We had Stay High and Thunderheist on repeat. That LBG tune’s a corker (thankyou, Wrong Tom!).

STOP!

GET READY!

GO!