What’s The Story?
A giant “sphinx” is brought into Gotham Central Park by gangsters dressed in golden, bearded, masks.

Yes, it’s another THOUGHT BUBBLE SPECIAL POST!

This is the first of two essays commissioned by James “patron of the arts” Baker, who has asked for five hundred words each from me and Bobsy. James wants me to talk about what Daleks mean to me.

It’s a difficult one, actually, because I grew up in the 1980s, when the Daleks were mostly being used for their recognisability, but being written by a writer, Eric Saward, who would much rather have been writing Cybermen stories. So while the standard iconography of the Daleks tends towards a combination of fascism and Frank Hampson space adventure, for me, the Daleks are all about body horror. The formative Dalek story for me was Remembrance of the Daleks, and so I think of humans being turned into Daleks, of Davros reduced just to a head, of dead bodies being processed for food.

So taking everything together, the Daleks for me, more than anything else, represent the dissociation from the body.

We Are Robin #4

November 14th, 2015

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Yes, it’s ANOTHER THOUGHT BUBBLE LIVEBLOG!

This one is a three-hander, commissioned by Ruan S, who wants me, Illogical Volume, and Bobsy to write six hundred words on We Are Robin #4.

This is a DC Entertainment comic-style product, written by Lee Bermejo and with art by James Harvey, Diana Egea and Alex Jaffe, and it is almost precisely as “good” as you would expect from a DC Entertainment comic-style product. There are many young people dressed as Robin, who are angsty about angst-making things — one of the young people has apparently died.

There’s narration told in Tweets, because in DC Entertainment comics-style products, Twitter is used by the young persons, rather than middle-aged angry people in the media.

There are inspirational speeches about Batman, and symbols, and legacies, and how important symbol legacies are important and symbolic. There are scenes set in a high school, and there are teenagers who use “Facespace” and perform minor crimes to attract superheroes so they can take selfies.

It is, in short, precisely the kind of desperate attempt to appear cool that one would expect from the talented people at DC Entertainment. I’m a thirty-seven-year-old fat bloke with a beard, and even I know that this isn’t how the kids talk and act.

Over to Illogical Volume

Kids today, with their anti-social medias and their secret identities, doing the troll dance under a bridge as big as the whole world… they sicken me.

Imagine writing something under a fake name… Ridiculous!

Dungeon Fun

November 14th, 2015

This is a THOUGHT BUBBLE SPECIAL POST, by the tag-team team of Andre Whickey and Illogical Volume. Our task: “Write five hundred words about Dungeon Fun and make it as product-placementy as possible.”

Never let it be said that the Mindless don’t rise to a task…

Dungeon Fun is a collection of the award-winning all-ages comic, based around a parody of dungeon-crawling fantasy adventure, with the same kind of sarcastic meta-humour as, say, Order of the Stick or Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, but with a gentler feel than either of those, more suitable to its all-ages audience. Neil Slorance’s highly-stylised art perfectly expresses the whimsical children’s adventure story, in which Fun Mudlifter, a little girl raised by trolls, has a sword fall from the sky and becomes an adventurer.

With her ghost companion Sir Barnabus Games, Fun goes on an epic quest, encountering such characters as Gullibelinda the Gullible.

And now I’m tagging Illogical Volume

Always a mistake, that!

Thought Bubble Liveblogging

November 14th, 2015

We’re in Leeds, we have jumble, and we’re ready to liveblog. If you’re at Thought Bubble and want Bobsy, Illogical Volume, or myself to do a blog post for you, we’re charging a penny a word. Short posts will be added as updates to this post, larger ones will get their own.

We’re currently sat in New Dock (definitely not Savile’s) Hall, and waiting for your custom. We have cakes.

The Beast Must Die is flogging his British Comics Award nominated Cindy and Biscuit:

When he’s not shaming us all with his good looks and professionalism, Dan will be selling the collected edition of the first four issues  (We Love Trouble!) alongside the latest issue, The Bad Girl.

Kind of cosmic sciatica Gary Lactus is elling his comics, including two volume of The Cleaner, his excellent autobiographical comic:

Don’t be fooled by the fact that he’s produced the comic under his (ridiculous) stage name Fraser Geesin, it’s 100% Lactus!

Gary’s completed the second volume of The Cleaner for Thought Bubble, and it’s essential reading for anyone who like stories about people doing things.

And I have a selection of my books-without-pictures for sale, for those of you who come to a comics convention but don’t want to buy any more comics. £5 or best offer.

Liveblog update one:
This is fifty-two words (to be comicy) for “Mystery Beardman” on the subject of “Elemental Micah: Just Exhale” by Michael Georgiou.
This is a black-and-white comic about a gay young man with the powers of a god. I am told it is very very good, and very very gay.

Liveblog update two, paid for by a mysterious benefactor:

Table 65a though bubble marquee – graphic violence and black and white female led sports drama – Freaktown 

Not so much a blog post as an advert but one that was overpaid for to the cost of 5p so we’re not going to complain!

Liveblog update the final:

And finally, commissioned by the Mindless Ones’ own The Beast Must Die himself, we have two hundred words by Andre Whickey and Illogical Volume on Image United #1.

“Mayhem! Destruction! There’s no limit to the pain and misery I can cause!”

This is the ultimate comic, sequential art reaching its peak of potential. What could be better than Rob Liefeld layouts? How about Rob Liefeld layouts with Whilce Portacio finishing them? How about Liefeld, Larsen, Portacio, McFarlane, Silvestri, and Valentino?
Comics’ greatest creators, comics’ greatest characters, all in colour for three dollars ninety-nine. The greatest story in history.

HI KIDS! ILLOGICAL VOLUME HERE, BEAT-BEAMING MY THOUGHTS STRAIGHT ONTO ANDREW’s COMPUTER DIRECT! LIKE AN OLD-SCHOOL IMAGE COMIC, MY BRAIN IS REALLY FUCKING LOUD SO FORGIVE THE ALL-CAPS!

WHAT AM I DOING?? I’M JUST LIVING THAT LIFE, LYING ON THE GROUND, TOUCHING MY TITS UP, PUNCHING MY OWN FACE OF THEN WATCHING IT SOAR THRU THE SKY! YOU THINK I’M DOWN BUT THEN BAM!, I’M FISTING A SHARK, GETTING PEGGED BY THE SPIRIT OF STANLEE! THIS COMIC HAS THE REAL ANIMAL MAGIC, Y’KNOW? WHEN PAPPA’S GOT A FINN PAPPA’S GOTTA GET HIS FINN ON! I’VE SPENT MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE TRYING TO BE CLEVER BUT NOW I’VE FINALLY FUCKING REALISED IT: ALL I REALLY WANTED WAS A WITCHBLADE!

What’s The Story?

The Joker is committing odd crimes, like just stealing a hairpin from a woman’s hair when in a shop full of furs worth half a million dollars

Will Blog For Cash

October 29th, 2015

So once again the Mindless Ones will be at the Galaxy’s Greatest Comic Convention, Thought Bubble. You can find us at tables six and seven in New Dock (don’tmentiontheoldname) Hall on the fourteenth and fifteenth of November.

Bobsy, Andre Whickey, The Beast Must Die, Gary Lactus, and Illogical Volume will all be there (sadly Mister Attack, who has been with us for the past few years, will not be attending this year), and you will be able to buy Cindy & Biscuit and Terminus comics from The Beast Must Die, or the adventures of Andrew & Stephen or The Cleaner from Gary Lactus. And you will be able to see Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die doing a very special SILENCE!, and you won’t even have to give them any money for that (though you can, of course).

“But wait!”, I hear you cry, “there are FIVE Mindless Ones attending the convention, not two! What do Bobsy, Andre Whickey, and Illogical Volume have to offer me, other than their raw animal sexuality?”

This has, in previous years, posed a problem for those of us who are less obviously artistically gifted than the SILENCE! duo. We have previously attempted to sell my books, which don’t have any pictures in at all, with limited success, and to sell Illogical Volume, with even more limited success (he always comes back).

You will, of course, still be able to purchase some of my books, and we will still be entertaining offers for Illogical Volume, but this year, those of us who communicate only by means of text will be doing something different as well.

Have you ever wanted your own personal Mindless Ones blog post, written just for YOU? If so, now is your chance!

Throughout Thought Bubble weekend (depending on the vagaries of laptop battery life and the Royal Armories’ shonky wi-fi), we will be liveblogging on the subjects of your choosing. YOU, yes YOU! could have your own Mindless Ones blog post, custom-written by our blogging artisans.

For just a penny a word, we will write blog posts of any length. Have you a burning desire to be updated on the saga of Bobsy’s superhero underpants? Do you really want to read Illogical Volume writing five hundred words on why David Cameron is a great bunch of lads? Do you want to know who would win in a fight between the Thing and Darkseid? Do you want Andre Whickey to summarise his opinions on the pop music the modern young people listen to, with their Bay City Rollers and their hippity hoppiting, rather than that old stuff he writes about? Would you like a ten thousand word essay on the Clone Saga, in iambic pentameter?

Now you can have just that. Bobsy, Illogical Volume, and Andre Whickey will be tag-team blog-posting over the weekend. Short posts will be written by one of us solo, longer posts by some combination of the three. We will write words right in front of your astonished faces, and post them to the Internet for all to see.

We will be starting at a penny a word, but rates may go up (or down) depending on demand, so get there early. No refunds.


What’s The Story?
Madame Soleil’s wax museum is unveiling a model of Batman, but when the figure is unveiled, it’s not a wax dummy of Batman, but the Riddler, in the flesh!



What’s The Story?

The Penguin is free from prison, and has taken up a new career — as a crime fighter!


What’s The Story?

The nefarious Catwoman is up to her old tricks