I Don’t Like My Hair Neat #1-2; I Wished I Was Married to the Sea

Have you ever underrated someone while praising them to the heavens? A friend perhaps, someone whose dress sense and confidence you’ve long admired without realizing that in doing so you were also reducing them to those qualities?  Worse still, that you had somehow decided that because these attributes were so hard to ignore, your were somehow giving them all the attention they required just by doing that?

That’s how I felt when I read the second volume of I Don’t Like My Hair Neat for the first time. I’d written a snappy, enthusiastic review of the first issue earlier in the same year, one that I thought was appropriate to Jules Scheele‘s talents in tone if not in excellence.

It was clear to me even then that Scheele is a better cartoonist than I am a writer.

The second issue initially seemed to me to be something else, something more traditionally laudable.  Reading it on the train up from that year’s Thought Bubble in my traditional vulnerable, hung-up and borderline euphoric post-con state, I was surprised and overwhelmed.  At the risk of getting a bit Dead Zone about it, I felt like the ice was going to break:

Make of this what you will. For me, it’s evidence that the bullshit critical distinction between Style and Content is somehow alive and in me in the present tense, some half a century after Sustan Sontag publicly annihilated it in ‘On Style’:

Practically all metaphors for style amount to placing matter on the inside, style on the outside. It would be more to the point to reverse the metaphor. The matter, the subject, is on the outside; the style is on the inside. As Cocteau writes: “Decorative style has never existed. Style is the soul, and unfortunately with us the soul assumes the form of the body.” Even if one were to define style as the manner of our appearing, this by no means necessarily entails an opposition between a style that one assumes and one’s “true” being. In fact, such a disjunction is extremely rare. In almost every case, our manner of appearing is our manner of being. The mask is the face…

Click here to find out how any half-decent analysis of Scheele’s style makes my initial confusion about their subject matter seem not only dumb but callow!

SILENCE! #173

January 26th, 2016

 

 

I’VE GOT YOU UNDER MY SKIN SO THE RAIN WON’T GET IN

It’s a new life, it’s a new day, it’s a new SILENCE!…and now no-one’s feeling good. Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die coming on like a Seventh sense to bring you a juicy slab of comics punditry. More CLASSIC BANTS than a carful of Clarksons smashing into a real ale festival.

<ITEM> It all starts with champagne. How like life, ha ha ha!!!  Sponsorship, star-spotting, headcannons and all the shiznay you could shake a shizztick at. What lies within the Dunce Tank? Oh and the Galacticats. Of course.

<ITEM> Just the tiniest smidgin of technical bamboozlment, no deliveries and then we’re off at a steady canter towards…

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse shimmers, flexes and allows entry to it’s 4 colour wonders. Under the megascope: Ted McKeever’s Pencilhead, Phonogram, Patsy Walker Hellcat, Mark Millar’s Huck, Injection, Blackball Comics, Blast Furnace, American Monster, Batman and a crank load more.

<ITEM> It’s the Beast’s Birthday!

And that, in a very real sense, is all folks.

click to download SILENCE!#173

 

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This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #168

December 9th, 2015

 

 

YOUR THIN PAPER WINGS, IN THE WIND, DANGLING

Roll the dice – move forward 4 steps. You find yourself at the clearing of a large empty podcast. To your right are some dense opinion shrubs. To the left a bubbling pool of judgments. Roll the dice – you decide to ignore both and move forward 8 paces towards the giant floating skull in the centre of the clearing. Roll the dice – you ask it a question: “Where am I?” The skull opens it’s mouth and with a terrifying ear-splitting screech it tells you…”SILENCE!”

<ITEM> And the guest-train keeps on rolling – not content with shattering senses with our senses-shattering Brandon Graham special last week, Gary Lactus, The Beast Must Die and Bobsy are joined by megatronic comics leg-end and all round superchap KIERON GILLEN on this latest pre-festive edition of the internet’s most beloved podcast

<ITEM> Sponsorship, admin, STAR WARS day at Gosh Comics on 12th December, the whole shebang. Meat ‘n’ two veg just the way you like it.

<ITEM> There’s a special exciting celebrity segment as Bobsy’s daughter Junior Bobzone asks Kieron some questions about his Darth Vader comic and Star Wars in general. Have we mentioned Star Wars yet? STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU STAR WAAAAAAAAAARGH

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse once again struggles to contain the multitude of opinions and jibber-jabber, and despite some…interesting technical issues the boys talk up Matt Boyce, Unfollow, The Vision, Paul John Milne, Vertigo, Phonogram, Plutonia, Dr Strange, Daredevil, ET, Paper Girls, Daft Punk, Pretty Deadly, Scott Pilgrim,  Dark Empire, Robots With These Guys and so much more…

<ITEM> The Beast ducks out early and the others shimmy off into the sunset…a mess? By god yes, but what a glorious mess.
<ITEM> *drops mic*

click to download SILENCE!#168

PLUS

SECRET CONVERGENCE OF INFINITE PODCASTS

 

Contact us:

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@silencepod
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You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #166

November 23rd, 2015

 

 

YOU CAN RUN WITH US, WE’VE GOT EVERYTHING YOU NEED

Roll up, roll up, roll up – getcherself a noice fresh bunch of opinions, a beeeyootiful selection of the foinest snap judgements and finish it orf wiv abag o’ the juiciest reviews… fresh terday, ot off the flippin’ press and once it’s gone it’s gone! Goin’ once, goin’ twice to the man in the ill-fittin’ Aquaman T-shirt…it’s only annuver bloomin’ SILENCE!

<ITEM> Hark! What light from yonder window breaks? It’s The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus, shining their phone torches around trying to find the keys to this week’s podcast.

<ITEM> A very special admin as the boys reminisce about the recent hi-jinx celebrating Gary’s 90th birthday…more rambling than ever!

<ITEM> The Beast waxes lyrical about the recent Jessica Jones TV show. Just like the rest of the internet.

<ITEM> Hut one, hut two, hut three, hut hut…The Reviewniverse opens up and then it shuts! Hear The Beast’s epic rant about Mark Millar’s Huck, then more restrained views of Secret Wars Too, Martian Manhunter, Blast Furnace, Paper Girls, Astonishing Ant Man, Phonogram, Red Thorn, The Clean Room and oh so so so so so so much more (some of those ‘so’s’  might be superfluous. The so-and-sos!

<ITEM> THE END!

click to download SILENCE!#166

PLUS

SECRET CONVERGENCE OF INFINITE PODCASTS

 

Contact us:

[email protected]

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #156

September 15th, 2015

 

 

I SEE LONDON, I SEE FRANCE, WHERE’D YOU GET YOURSELF THOSE PANTS?

<amusing> BLURB </amusing>

Welcome to SILENCE! the internet’s answer to breathing. YOU NEED THIS. Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die will hold your hands all the way. Trust us. YOU NEED THIS!

<ITEM> You’re looking down the business end of two barrels of admin son, so you’d best get your stuff together and get ready for some Sponsorship, a bit of Mike McMahon, some Thought Bubble 2015 promo and the whole fandango

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse is it? Is it? Well? Is it? Well okay then. So be it. Included: These periodicals: Headlopper, Batman, Deadly Class, Over The Garden Wall, All Star Section 8, Sammy Harkham’s Crickets, Rick & Morty, Siege, Ms Marvel, Mercury Heat and Phonogram.

And that’s your SILENCE! Now choke on it!

SILENCE!#156

Contact us:

[email protected]

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

SILENCE! #153

August 25th, 2015

I DRANK A JAR OF COFFEE, AND I TOOK SOME OF THESE, AND I’M TOTALLY WIRED

Blurb, blurb changes everything
Hands and faces, earth and sky
Blurb, blurb changes everything ( reading comics)
How you live and how you die (and read comics)

Love can make the summer fly (like reading comics)
Or a night seem like a lifetime (of reading comics)

Yes, blurb, blurb changes everything (reading comics)
Now I tremble at your name (Batman)
Nothing in the world will ever
Be the same (apart from comics)

Welcome to another edition of SILENCE! the comics podcast that walks like a man, drinks like a fish and sh*ts like a train. Your hosts Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die offer you a fine portion of comics criticism with a good slug of amusing gravy.

<ITEM> Some perfunctory but respectful Sponsorsowhaddywhaddy, and a special report from the recent Safari festival, run by Breakdown Press. Decadence Comics, Krent Able’s Big Book of Mischief, Silica Dream and more, Plus Steve Davis and Prog Rock.

<ITEM> The Reviewniverse uncurls it’s sweaty palm and scrunches the pair up into a tight little ball of comics reading joy. They tackle Phonogram: Immaterial girl, music journalism, The Freebutt, Beauty, Brandon Graham & Emma Rios’ Island, The Eltingville Comics Club, Constantine, Martian Manhunter, Stray Bullets, Wolf, Captain Britain & the Mighty Defenders and more.

<ITEM> Some cats I guess?

<ITEM> That’s it really, apart from some Begging

 

Click to download SILENCE!#153

Contact us:

[email protected]

@silencepod
@frasergeesin
@thebeastmustdie
@bobsymindless

You can support us using Patreon if you like.

This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

As previously mentioned, the Mindless dream team of The Beast Must Die, Illogical Volume and Andrew “Mandrew” Hickey made it down to Leeds for this year’s Thought Bubble comics convention. These are their recollections of the event, as distorted by the passing of time, sleep-deprivation, alcohol consumption, and the brain-scrambling dazzle of a white lounge suit:

Enter the Mindless (23 Chambers)

Aww, fuck. Might as well start off with a quote from Millar, the Instigator:

“But I love that Kapow! is sold out. I want people to turn up, find that out and think: ‘Damn, I’m definitely going to get my ticket next year.’ There is something cool about that.”

(Kapow! Superheroes come to Britian – man, this even willingly leans in to those Zap! Pow! punches, eh?)

Ok so one of the weird things about Mark Millar, as a figure in popular culture, is that I’m predisposed to disbelieve almost everything he says in interviews. He’s like Tony Blair that way for me, only, you know, Millar’s not actually irredeemably evil.

He is the king of the obvious idea, apparently, and as such the first person to write a comic where a supervillain is the main character. The book in question? Nemesis (Icon Comics, 2010), except… that’s not quite right.  You see, the weird thing about this particular boast is that Millar actually beat himself to the punch on this one, with Wanted (Top Cow, 2003). Or maybe the pluralisation invalidates that example, in which case all I have to say is: Zodiac (Marvel, 2009). Or maybe: Irredeemable (Boom Studios, 2009). If plural supervillains count then maybe I’d be saying Empire (Gorilla Comics, 2000)  instead, but the point is that it’s a silly boast, one that’s easily proved to be untrue.

Still, at least it’s still a relatively new idea, eh?

Well... there were probably no gay incestous womb-bombs in this comic, but maybe that's because it's a shit idea?

Oh. Okay. Maybe not. Well… there probably weren’t any gay incestuous womb-bombs in those old Joker comics, but maybe that’s just because it’s a shit idea?

More fear and self loathing at the comics convention after the cut!!