June 24th, 2014



(Extract from Gary’s Diary – a SILENCE! Romance by Aubrey Wilteringfust)

Gary Lactus is a celestial, gigantic and opinionated podcast host from space. His life is going nowhere until he meets The Beast Must Die, a male model-like, hirsute man with a passion for graphique novels.

Gary takes an instant disliking to The Beast and the prestige formatted and fully painted ways he learnt during his years in the internet.

However, when a Dear Listener tries to destroy Gary, The Beast springs to the rescue. Gary begins to notices that The Beast is actually rather half-witted at heart.

But, the pressures of The Beast’s job as a toilet attendant leave him blind to Gary’s affections and Gary takes up comics to try an distract himself.

Finally, when polybag-wrapped audio pan-handler, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 , threatens to come between them, The Beast has to act fast. But will they ever find the SILENCE! love that they deserve?

<ITEM> Admin, admin, who wants admin?? Gary unleashes his and Roberty Boperty’s new superteam  The Gents, featuring Poo-Lord, Slash, HotRod, JizzWizzard, Airblade / Blowhard and The Freshener. THEN the Beast discusses Strontium Dog: The Movie.

<ITEM> Additional Quizzlertron content from listener Tam, so the boys tackle their favourite comic book violence, featuring Zenith, Simon Bisley, Lobo and The Walking Dead

<ITEM> Finally, the duo slip slide into The Reviewniverse and take on Simon Hanselmann’s Life Zone, The Wicked & The Divine, MPH, Original Sin, Batman Eternal, Silver Surfer, Thor: God of Thunder and TMNT: Turtles In Time. Plus Gary looks into the wonders of Marvel AR, the Beast has a rant about Spoiler, and their is a discussion of comic book movies including Turtles, Dick Tracy, Mario Bros, The Shadow and The Phantom.

NO MORE ITEMS. So get back to work you slovenly apes.

Click to download SILENCE!#106

Contact us:

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This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton.
It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.

16 Responses to “SILENCE! #106”

  1. Thrills Says:

    One of my favourite bits of comics violence is by Simon Hanselmann. Utterly distressing.

    (I hope that link works?)

  2. Matthew Craig Says:

    Holy Socks. That’s pretty much every Marvel superhero movie in three short panels.

  3. Cass Says:

    Great job on the Marvel AR review reel. I had the same experience as Gary. I suspect that Marvel AR is the brainchild of the editors, with little to no support from corporate. The app is so lousy, it’s hard to imagine it receiving the Disney stamp of approval.

  4. Cass Says:

    Beast, you should absolutely watch the first Turtles movie. It’s a good movie. A few years ago, I unearthed a VHS copy of the movie from when I was kid. I started watching it for a laugh but found myself surprisingly engaged. After the movie was over, I hit up RottenTomatoes to see if I was losing my mind enjoying a live action Ninja Turtles movie. They had a great review up from Roger Ebert, where he spends the first couple of paragraphs expounding on how much he hates the Ninja Turtles and how stupid he thinks all this cartoon and video game bullshit is, before begrudgingly admitting that the (first) live action Ninja Turtles movie was the best possible movie that could have been made with the concept. In the end, he awards it 3 out of 4 stars.

    Mario, on the other hand, I remember catching some of it on TV in my late teens and finding it unwatchable. I’d be curious to see if it can be enjoyed on kitschy level now.

  5. bobsy Says:

    I think the Zenith steal is from Moore’s Captain Britain (he punches right through the Fury at one point, it’s a very clear visual echo) rather than Miracleman?


  6. Thrills Says:

    I also first saw the Turtles film on a dark, gritty pirate copy, and it wasn’t until I saw it again on channel 5 years later that I realised just how bright the thing was actually supposed to be. It’s a decent film, though, as Cass says. Good endearing-but-creepy Henson puppetry going on, good Final Fight baddy design, that weird sort of 80s/90s Poochy rollerblade punk thing, and it does still have a pleasingly grotty edge to it.

    The second one (which I think is the one with Vanilla Ice?) seemed great when I was a kid, but it is very much a kid’s movie, which is not a problem, obviously. It’s just that it’s not a very good one at that. Same with the third one, which I remember being very much in the forgettable vein of a too-long episode of Sorbo Hercules.

    I loved the Turtles, me, though I recently read some fairly new comics about them (was lured in by my curiosity regarding Remender artwork) and they were so generic they were almost unreadable. Plus, they were all in red bandanas, so you couldn’t really tell them apart. Different colours for different turtles was a masterstroke on the part of the corporate boys, really.

  7. Ricardo Baptista Says:

    Question time!

    Would you read the first number of a one man comics anthology named Satellite Planet where the following stories are featured:

    MonstruoCity – a little girl has to infiltrate a fortified city inhabited by terrible monsters in order to find a cure to her grandfather’s illness.

    Return to Olympus – Zeus’ newest offspring is asked to defeat the three cyclops responsible for his father’s famous weapon – the lightining bolt! He is helped by a misterious dog with special powers named Fred.

    It also features (fake) adds and interviews with forgotten comic creators and…a letters page!

    If yes,- when I’ve finished doing it – could I send it to the reviewneverse?

  8. jameswheeler Says:

    Haven’t read MPH, but Musty Beast’s comments about the depiction of superspeed are interesting, especially given how often that kind of… relativity-of-perception approach is used. It came up in Kate Brown n Kieron Gillen’s Young Avengers #6, where Speed has a job he can do in seconds, but doesn’t feel the benefit as it seems like hours.

    Generously, you could imagine a kind of hyper flow-state, whereby the person is able to react at superspeed without their perception of time being altered, though that probably doesn’t allow for chatting to your mates as you bomb around the globe.

    TMNT must be the most pirated VHS in history – that’s how everybody saw it. I remember Michaelangelo’s big nunchaku display being cut from TV showings (as a part of the Ninja Terror that gripped the UK for a decade, giving us Hero Turtles and edited Bruce Lee films), though according to IMDB that didn’t make it to UK cinemas either. Also according to IMDB it was Sally Menke’s first movie!

  9. Eyemelt Says:

    The Morlocks! I have a feeling some uncaring fop wiped them out in the X-titles a while ago. No doubt they will return.

    So glad Gary Lactus shared the concept of THE GENTS, as I type this I imagine the comic writers who do listen to this podcast are falling over themselves to squeeze in some sort of homage, or even creating a new title.

    If the Gronk had made an appearance in the Strontium Dog movie, I am certain he would have been one of those crappy prosthetic things, a little person in a crappy suit, that were prolific in many 80s and 90s Sci-fi flicks, such as Troll, Battle for Endor, Labyrinth, Masters of the Universe etc.

    TMNT Movie fact: Sam Rockwell had one of his earliest roles in the Turtle movie as ‘Head Thug’. And Vanilla Ice was in Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze, performing his silly stupid fresh rap- ‘Ninja Rap’. If you feel inclined check it on Youtube, it’s worse than you can imagine.

    Mr Lactus, myself and the Mrs also watched Dick Tracy recently and I found it pretty hard work. The character and set design is fantastic but ugh what a drag! I remember quite liking the Shadow at the time, so will check that out again soon.

    Marvel AR- it’s like a DVD extra with all the secrets behind the scenes, the creative process and the wacky folk who make it happen! If the DVD in question has been used as a coaster then dragged face down on a gravel path. Absolute Rubbish!

  10. tam Says:

    It always used to bug me how the x men’s mutations were ALWAYS basically advantageous so I loved the crappy mutations in Strontium Dog. I don’t usually give a toss when characters die in comics but the death of Wulf was an exception; unlike Johnny Alpha’s subsequent death which Tharg had been hinting at for months beforehand, it came as a complete shock (and it also seemed that Bubba had killed Johnny as well) and I don’t think the wait for the next prog had ever seemed so long… The only other character death that really shocked me as much was the equally out-of-the-blue death of Stinky in Hate

    Haven’t read MPH but just finished reading Millar’s Superior which is the same kind of curate’s egg mix of really good bits and incongruous stupidity, as was Kick Ass, it makes me wonder if Millar’s deliberately comes up with twists that don’t really make sense. After all, it doesn’t seem to hurt his sales or movie adaptations…

  11. Ricardo Baptista Says:

    Correction: MonstroCity is the name of the story. (silly portuguese man trying to write in a different language…)

  12. Matthew Craig Says:

    Soon as you mentioned Strontium Dog, I saw it unfold behind me mind’s eye. Driving down the A1, passing the factories and fires. The broken-down sign for Milton Keynes (“All Hope Abandon”) raising a larf, turning to shock as we pass through the shanty-favela-housing cube estate. Spider-faced boys playing webbedfootball, scallies with scales and street poets with three mouths. Old dears with flaking humps wheeling their hover-tartan baskets home. Rude girls with taloned fingers and acid glares daring you to stare back. Pulling up to the Dog House and stepping out, only to pull out of POV as we see Johnny Alpha’s blank stare reflected in the reinforced glass.

    Paul Harrison-Davies has some neat SD pics up at his Tumblr. Middenface is a favourite.

    THE GENTS sounds great. I was listening to this podde a week late and as I was driving around town picking up petrol and Cornettos. I came up with some pretty gross ones, for which I feel I should apologise. Let’s see if I can remember them:

    SKID-MARK: Mark Todd is a speed-shitter, constantly needing to replenish his diminishing energy reserves (hello MPH), the peristalsis of his bowels turning him into a HUMAN TURDBINE, allowing him to reach speeds of up to 58mph, with the unfortunate side-effect of getting him banned from the skeleton bob.

    PAPPY-NAPPY and NUGGET: A stayathome father on a rare excursion to the mall takes his faecally-fecund offspring into the bog to use the suspiciously rickety changing table. BUT WHEN THE LIGHTNING STRIKES, they become a unified team, The Pap and the Papoose, The Dynamic Deuce-o, PAPPY-NAPPY AND NUGGET. Pappy is the Brains, Nugget the Brown; every dump is a different, devastating weapon in the War on Wipe. Will it be Green Clag, sticking everything in its path? Will it be a Golden Slider, like a banana peel made of Teflon (TM), sending Crime flying? Or will it be a rare White Ace, an empty nappy preceeding a Spray of Justice? Or will it just be a big shit? Either way, Pappy-Nappy will be there to hoik it over the fence of Fiendishness!

    BLOODWATER and ENEMA – holdovers from a previous lightning strike. ’90′s pooperheroes with a real reason to be gurning like that.

    GLORYHOLE – Harrowing portal powers. Also, the name of the furniture warehouse that filled/s my home. Their 80s/90s radio advert featured the munchkin refrain “Come along to us ‘coz we’re not dear, The Glory Hole is full of cheer!”

    It surely was. It surely was.


  13. Gary Lactus Says:

    A beautiful mind.

  14. Matthew Craig Says:

    I forgot the idea I had about the Jizzwizard’s consciousess being split amongst all 300000000 sperm, including the duff ones, ala Sandaman, Hydro-Man, etc..

    Imagine a very tiny, very persistent, very short-range swarm of sentient sperm, working in concert, creating structures, obstacles, living machines.

    Try not to imagine the look on his face, especially when the duff ones do’t make it back up his hog’s eye in time to be reabsorbed (Hi, Wolverine, that’s why you’re sterile, think it through) and reintegrate his intelligence. Every time he comes, he doesn’t quite come back. This is his gift. His curse. Don’t let him hand you any of those fairy cakes.


  15. Stefan Says:

    The Gents needs to happen!
    You really sold Strontium Dog to me as well, when you talk about 2000AD you always make it sound like the best thing ever.

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