February 28th, 2009
Well done to Daniel Kelly, the winner of our first ever mindless competition. We asked readers to come up with a very special, brand new variety of kryptonite, and Dan bravely rose to the challenge.
Dan, your Superman action figure is in the mail.
Teal Kryptonite has the power to make Kryptonians a bit racist while leaving their personality otherwise unchanged. So, a Teal Kryptonite infected Superman will seem normal enough most of the time and will still perform super-heroic deeds, but is also likely make sweeping generalisations about Mexicans, leading to meetings of the JLA becoming palpably uncomfortable. He is likely to attempt to offset his racism with caveats like “it’s only some of them” and “some of my best friends are [insert ethnic minority]” and will often start sentences with the phrase “I’m not a racist” before being a bit of a racist.
Teal K was first created by Lex Luthor by firing millions of copies of the Daily Mail into an artificial miniature black hole using a giant space-gun created by the Bernard Manning of Earth 2.
It’s important to note that Teal K doesn’t make Kryptonians into rabid Nazi skinheads; the danger of Teal K is its subtlety. If Supes started goose-stepping around the joint in a white hood it would soon arouse the suspicion of his super-chums. Instead, he just comes across as being a bit of a dick, leading people to stop returning his calls.