First pants the post

July 28th, 2008

It had to happen. My underwear collection is famous throughout D-wing, and I am justly proud. Mr. Mackay says laundry privileges are out unless I humiliate myself before the internet. (I rely on him for protection from Fletcher and his mindless thugs.) So this is it. My pants. (EDITOR’S NOTE: in America, they use the word ‘pants’ incorrectly, mistakenly believing it to mean ‘trousers’. This post, and those subsequent, are using the word in its UK meaning of ‘underpants’. Clearly, a week or so of blog posts about superhero trousers would be ridiculous.)

To start with, here are my newest and favourite pants. Featuring both Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk, they are the living, breathing blockbuster fashion pant of Summer 2008. At least until I get me some Batman ones.

What are these two doing here, do you think? Has Iron Man farted, and is he forcing the Hulk to take a sniff? Or is something far wetter about to go off? (Lot’s of flatulence-, toilet- and secretion-based ‘jokes’ in this little runs of posts, by the way, so perhaps trot on over to The Savage Critics or someone if you’re actually looking for some clever or informative comics chat; or if you have a sense of humour developed to just a healthy, adult level.)

Probably the best thing about these tremendous pants is the wonderful mid-90s Image-ripoff art with which these serious, grown-up stars of silver screen are captured. It’s retro-perfecto, so now it could literally have been rendered tomorrow afternoon. Look at the fineness of line picking-out every preppy strand of emerald hair. Note the designer’s skill in depicting the steely avenger’s hot metallic couture, the imperious, statuesque confidence. Most importantly, look at the naturalism of the body language, as if this dynamic yet delicate tableau were really happening before you, right this very moment, on my pants. Almost as though the designer of these pants knew which of Marvel’s films thjis summer would be better. The winner is:

Brilliant strides, as I know you’ll agree. More trolleys-based hilarity tomorrow.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Readers, do YOU have any snazzy superhero pants you’d like to talk about? This week is underwear week here at Mindless Ones Dot Com, so skid on over to the comments section to add your thru’penny bits.

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18 Responses to “First pants the post”

  1. Bill Reed Says:

    Hmm… I have that issue of Iron Man. Did you steal it and turn it into nether-garments? Curse you.

  2. Youri Zoutman Says:

    I have no Superhero pants.

    I am however incredibly happy it’s underwear week here. Perhaps too much.

  3. Blake Says:

    I have a pair of boxers with a smoldering wolverine on them.

  4. Thrilltone Says:

    My friend has blue y-fronts. The ‘y’ itself is yellow. I refer to them as ‘the X-Men pants’.

    Friends in pants. Comics. The ultimate life?

    Almost certainly not.

  5. Papers Says:

    I actually have a pair of those Iron Man vs. Hulk undies, gifted to me rather unexpectedly in a very odd fashion by someone who ought not to have given them to me. Ah, melodrama — enough, perhaps, for an X-Men comic.

  6. Zom Says:

    Lots o’ lol

    So, do we think the people responsible spotted how rude these are?

  7. The Satrap Says:

    When you’re wearing superhero undies, it’s important to show that you’re a friendly neighborhood kinda guy. I also find that the image of cobwebs and crawling things in the pubic area is as clever a meta-commentary as that which is found in anxiety-of-influence-ridden superhero narratives.

    Heroism can be found at the most unexpected of places indeed. Check out these Spidey pants for the wee ‘uns. “Potty training may be a snap when toddler boys see they can wear these ‘Spider-Man’ Underwear Briefs from Hanes!” Saving the world, one payload of poop at a time.

  8. Zom Says:

    Yes. My son has lots of superhero pants. I won’t be photographing them.

  9. Bots'wana Beast Says:

    Mine doesn’t :(

    do we think the people responsible spotted how rude these are?

    I like to think so – and, hey, I don’t like to nitpick but surely that ain’t wonderful mid-90s Image-ripoff art, so much as “wonderful mid-90s Dale Keown art”? I don’t know if I hope I’m right or wrong here.

  10. Zom Says:

    You must have a Hennes near you, Beast, surely? ‘Swear all his came from. Super cheap too.

    Currently Spiderman pants are vying for the top spot with Scooby Doo.

  11. Lactus Says:

    It’s no secret that I have been jealous of Bobsy’s pants for a good year now. On Zom’s stag weekend I thought I’d be the belle of the bunch with my best Captain America pants packed for the Saturday. Imagine my disappointment when Bobsy emerged from his tent every morning with a new scene of striking action proudly enveloping his modesty.

    I take my helmet off to the man.

  12. Zom Says:

    And get blood everywhere?

  13. bobsy Says:

    Thanks for the replies, guys. In response to Mr. Reed, I’d like to make it clear that all the nderwear featured in pants week is 100% branded official merchandise. We here at Mindless Ones Dot Com in no way condone bottlegging your own pants using sophisticated web 3.0 technology. Remember, pant piracy is killing underwear.

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