Mindless Ones

OR: 10 Reasons why Ambush Bug is the Most powerful Superhero in the DCU.

OR: How I learned to stop worrying and love the CRISIS.

OR: I knew I should have turned left at Albuquerque!

With the joyful return of Irwin Schwab later this year, and with the impending End Of The World ™, now seems a good time to reappraise the greatest character ever to appear in comics ever in the world. Ever.

AMBUSH BUG!!!!!!! !!!! !! So let’s begin with a rundown of why he’s the most powerful superhero in the DCU, and how he could make Superman cry like a little girl, and hand Batman his ass on a plate, and could even kick the shit out of Frank ‘The Tank’ Miller…

1. Ambush Bug knows he is in a comic. It took Animal Man 27 issues to find this out, and when he did he ended up in Glasgow. The Bug knew from the outset. Crisis-schmisis.
2. He has survived death a million times. Superman did it but it took a while, and when he came back he had a mullet. The Bug does it EVERY DAY. Sans mullet.
3. He is related to both Bill Bixby and Howdy Doody. This is a fact, as evidenced by his family tree in Ambush Bug no.4. Hal Jordan is not related to anybody good. He’s just a boring space policeman with no imagination.
4. He has encountered Darkseid…AND LIVED! Have you? I thought not.
5. He stands alone. The Bug needs no team to make him feel like a real superhero. In the Ambush Bug Nothing Special, he is refused entry to the Legion of Superheroes and the Doom Patrol. And he had his head rammed up a giant teddy bear’s bum when he did so. And anyway he was in the best version of the Justice League. You know the one that was in 52? With Bulleteer and Firestorm and…some other people. You know the one that existed for about two pages?
6. He has an amazing recipe for Teriyaki burgers. The Flash doesn’t. He probably only knows how to make pasta and pesto. The Bug knows flavour.
7. He is not constrained to merely American comics. The Bug is a multi-national Superhero, unencumbered by petty notions of boundaries and style. He was manga before all those little goth kids were.
   
8. Ambush Bug totally has the best sidekick, in Cheeks the Toy Wonder. Seriously, fuck Robin and forget Green Arrow’s one who was all smacked up. And definitely forget Aquaman’s little mer-buddy. I have. Because Cheeks is a combat medic, a zombie toy-cannibal, and brave little sidekick martyr all rolled into one loveable, mute bundle. Plus after he gets blown up (in Ambush Bug 1) The Bug does the decent thing and hits the nearest bar. Good Bug.
9. In these turbulent times of moral confusion and mature readers the Bug offers a complex and grown up take on super-heroics for adults. Not baby men. He understands that not all crimes can be solved with a kick to the balls.
   
10. He knows his way around a joke. I mean Wonder Woman definitely has her plus points, especially if you need someone to sort out a minotaur or settle a God’s hash, but she’s not exactly a giggle to be honest. Whereas the Bug is someone you want at a dinner party.